20/07/24. LONGLEGS (2024)
i did not like this movie! i watched it in theaters with some friends to kill some time before we
went out, since it had been on my radar after i heard people on twitter were saying it was good.
i am going to dunk on this movie for two paragraphs, sorry
this was so silly, like genuinely such a silly ridiculous movie. satanic worshipper is such an easy
setup to take in so many incredible directions - i usually really love occult horror, so i was
pretty keen on watching this! i'm really sad it sucked, actually. there are a lot of ideas
here in this story, but most of them barely get touched beyond initial setup, and then it's
onto the next one. didn't even manage to tie everything back in at the end either. loads of
loose ends! did you know the main character is a psychic fbi agent? this plays absolutely no relevance to the plot beyond her just Psychically Knowing that the murderer's house is one in a thousand other identical houses, and this happens like 4min into the movie. this comes back to be mentioned in passing, but is literally never used again. another stupid plothole was that the longlegs character was gifting possessed satan dolls to little girls, and the satan doll would posess the fathers, and the fathers would kill the children (plot beat i guessed about 20min into this 2hr film and yet it was still revealed like this was a wild crazy thing to be happening), but then it's revealed that our beloved psychic fbi agent main character was going to be his next vitcim! oh no! however, she does not have a father figure in this film so - what? longlegs was going to just beat the fuck out of her? what?? so he's just a guy who kills now? what is this plotline!!!! what was the snake imagery all about when there were no snakes in the film? what was up with the weird scene where there was a whole discussion about how the main character was born via c-section and her mother resented her for it? this was a 4 second offhand mention and then NOTHING CAME OF THAT EITHER! WHAT WAS THIS MOVIE????
i usually like a weirdly complex movie that makes you think, but
LONGLEGS just was not that! i should have known it was going to be shit when someone told me "even if you don't like it, it's worth seeing for the cinematography!" like. girl, no it was not. the cinematography was genuinely nothing overly special imo. this was also one of those movies where people were 'screaming, crying, throwing up, passing out' in early previews which is an absolutely staple sign of the most mediocre movie you'll ever see in your life, so. and dont even get me fuckin started on longlegs himself dude, oh my god. his legs weren't even that long. the name was never explained. they should have made this a weird little creature movie, given the amount of prosthetics they threw on nicholas cage to make the most botox ass looking unscary serial killer i have ever seen in my life. ridiculous movie.
